This post has been a long time coming, much longer than this blog exists. Which seems to not be a very strong statement as this blog is a new part of my life.
Though long means longer than my current strep throat infection and the quarter-final loss of my favorite soccer team, Bayern Munich, in the champions league today.
When you’re stuck in a rut to the point where you experience setbacks because you are unable to free yourself from the circle you’re in. That is when you head to Pinterest, get motivated, set goals and go for it. Right?
Sometimes yes, and that has worked for me several times and you may exchange Pinterest for pep talks, crazy morning routines (looking at you bee pollen power smoothie) or audiobook’s freely.
Pinterest is a no brainer, pep talks (especially the ones I give myself) are more priceless than any of the above options when it’s real talk. And well, audiobooks have had a place in my heart always.
What though if you browsed the internet, pep talked it up and listened to the Roxy Jacenko story back and forth, you make a plan but you’re not strong enough to break through the glass sealing?
The mind is over the matter and the mind is stuck. At a point where years pass you by for instance on reaching this one goal, you know the one. The one you were looking to reach years back, and you just haven’t. If you’re like me this will haunt you until one of two things happen, you either struggle and push until you make it happen or you let it go.
” If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. -Maya Angelou”
Letting it go can sometimes take years and just because you led it go once does not mean you forget about it forever. It’s the harder decision to make. Because then you reached a point where you need to ask what to tell yourself when you feel behind in life.
1. Don’t do the “Everyone has their life figured out but me” thing
This one, of them all, is the most dangerous. Because we compeare ourselves to people who are living a different life. We compare to self-made-millionaires, to bloggers and YouTubers, to Instagramm sensations and movie stars. (I mean hello, River the Mini Dachshund on Instagram has 91K followers and I have 365-without-a-k-behind-it. Hashtag Real Talk)
You have to remember, they are in fact not you! It’s glorified and it’s their job. They live a different life with different opportunities, challenges and setbacks than you. They fail, believe me, they do. We all do.
What you need here is reassurance. That when you boil it down, realistically, how many people in your inner social circle are truly ahead?
Hands down, this was the most toughest and excruciating thing I had to do as an adult. There was a huge difference from be being a lot younger, super accomplished and growing consistently; and becoming more established and growing steadily. I worked in hospitality since I was 18, and I hit all the measurements before everyone else. First in this, youngest in that. A+ overall.
And then you stagnate, your output levels are considered consistent but by your own comperasen they are slower to what they were. You get opportunities based on your experience vs. on being the youngest that ever did this and that. Then you look up and next thing you know you’re no longer in your 20’s, you look at all the twenty-something-rockstars on Instagram or YouTube and you find yourself waking up in what I like to call, a devils cycle.
That’s when you need to give yourself a break. You cannot measure and assess your own life’s progress on being on track by how others grow. That includes others that you only know over social media or others that are where you were when you started your career. Times are different now.
“Be gentle with yourself. You deserve to make self care a priority. Whether that means lying in bed all day, eating comfort food, putting of homework, crying, sleeping, rescheduling plans, finding an escape through a good book, watching your favorite tv show, or doing nothing at all – give yourself permission to put your healing first. Quiet the voice telling you to do more, and today, whatever you do, let it be enough. Feel your feelings, breathe and be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can to cope and survive. Trust that it’s enough!” -Daniell Koepke via Simple Reminders on Pinterest
2. Be honest
Being honest to me, is the most ‘adulting’ trait ever. Remember when we were kids and the honest part was more leisurely interesting. Like the question if we had brushed our teeth before going to bed at night. We may have, though we also enjoyed a late night sweets snack after, so yes overall we brushed them.
While adulting though, honesty, especially with ourselfs, can take us places.
Sometimes we need to dig and feel what we don’t want to or face what we wish we could avoid. You do not want to tap out when struggle get’s real.
And even though I spent the better half of this post talking about being gentle with oneself, we also have got to be honest.
Be honest and cry after, but be honest! Feel the feeling, experience the setback, and then be gentle to yourself and bounce back. If you haven’t pressed in when a challenge came about that could have shaped your future, and you just float over and sidestep that struggle, it will haunt your future. It has always haunted mine.
“If you always only float, you won’t ever bounce back”
3. Make your own future
Decide what you like to see if your future. I’ve been obsessed with the 5:00am wake up call. Like executives all over the world get up, and they excercise, and then they drink all those amazing healthy drinks (remember the bee pollen from above? Yeah I didn’t make this one up myself).
I am not in any definition a morning person. The thought of sleeping in and waking with the daylight gives me SO MUCH JOY. Also the thought of staying up late and doing things when others slept gives me SO MUCH JOY.
I remember when I first moved to California, I worked in a spa and the Director then had me on the closing shift which meant 11:00pm to 7:30pm/5 days a week. I loved that shift. I loved getting up with the sun (ok around 7:00am, whatever), I made coffee (sans Coconut oil and Ghee back then) and I ran for 45-minutes, showered, washed my hair (WHAT?!), phoned my mom, got ready and headed to work. I worked. I got off and then still had so much time to do all sort of things. I was also never running late back in those days.
So when I re-thought my day, I thought ok, insert 5:00am walk up time and GO.
I was not successful. I failed. I failed every morning.
And it cannot be good for anyone to feel failure before starting their day.
Why didn’t it work? It took me a long time to figure out that what happened was that my life was now different. I did not only work 8 hours, I work 12. Or 14. I was coming home at 8:30pm/9:30pm every day and it took me hours to wind down. Usually falling asleep at 1:00 or 2:00am, trying to walk up at 5:00am. How? I ruined about 2 years of my life silently by feeling infuriated with myself about not being able to get up. Devils cycle.
I had to be honest with myself and stay away from all the 5:00am entrepreneurs on Instagramm to figure out what I wanted and what I needed to do to prepare for the next positive push forward in my life. You make your future!
“The comeback is always stronger than the setback, don’t ever forget that!”
Thank you so much for reading! Stay motivated!
(Pictures of the one and only, Miraval in Arizona)
Wow…I think Dora, Max, Bella and Bart are all stars…but, alas, River has a better P.R. Dept.! Good read…takes me back to my thirties. Life can be humbling, but time clarifies. The measurement for “success” is so different at every stage/age. At 57 years old, my greatest source of pride, peace and satisfaction is my very capable and kind daughter. I look back on my fairly short career with pride, too. We can never see ourselves as others do, but when I think of you, I think: winner, go-getter, hard-worker…a star!
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Indeed life can be humbling and I think it should be! Your daughter though, yo can absolutely be proud of! She is such a wonderfully kind and beautifully spirited human-being! And she clearly got lots of that from her talented and kind hearted mother. I am just so grateful to have you both (+ Tom!) in my life!
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Very sweet of you, Franzi! We feel very lucky to have crossed paths with you, too! Just off the phone with Nat’s and I think she’s going to take a side trip to Germany this summer!!!